Late Night With Seth Meyers : KNTV : August 13, 2024 12:37am-1:37am PDT : Free Borrow & Streaming : Internet Archive (2024)

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to channing tatum, liza colon-zayas, rachel dratch, lawrence, once again! lawrence. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots over there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. thank you for watching. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." goodnight, everybody. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with

seth meyers." tonight -- john mulaney. from team usa rugby, olympian ilona maher. an all-new "closer look." featuring the 8g band with todd suchermann. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." we hope you're doing well. now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. hey, welcome to "late night." how's everybody doing? [ cheers and applause ] as usual, we were on hiatus for the biggest story of the year. that's right. some guys dong was too big for the pole vault. [ laughter ] oh, also joe biden's no longer running for president. and j.d. vance isn't allowed at west elm. [ laughter ] president biden warned in a new interview that people are not taking former president trump's comments seriously that there will be a blood bath if he loses the election and added, quote, you can't love your country only when you win, a lesson australians have learned all too well.

[ laughter and applause ] at a fund-raiser over the weekend, former house speaker nancy pelosi compared the 2024 election to the olympics and said, quote, we want democracy to win gold that day. whatever. as long as we don't get stuck with the bronze. [ laughter and applause ] it's been a long time since we made a bronze spin joke. according to a recent financial disclosure, minnesota governor tim walz owns no stocks, bonds, or real estate. yeah, of cour -- look at him. at best -- at best he has a coffee can full of fives on top of fridge. [ laughter ] former president trump is reportedly considering hiring his 2016 campaign manager, kellyanne conway. reporters are just waiting for her official denial to confirm it. [ laughter ] actor tom cruise performed a stunt yesterday at the closing ceremony of the summer olympics in paris.

pretty cool, but not nearly as dangerous as competing in the olympics. [ laughter and applause ] according to new analysis, more than 100 public bathrooms in new york city are out of order. specifically, the d, f, and r trains. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, drug sniffing dogs in ecuador recently discovered more than 12,000 pounds of cocaine hidden in a banana shipment. though i think at that point, you found some bananas in a cocaine shipment. [ laughter ] that was the monologue. we're off. we're back. [ cheers and applause ] so happy to be back. we've got a great show for you tonight. he is an emmy-winning writer and comedian you know from "snl," "oh hello" on broadway, his incredible standup specials and "john mulaney presents everybody's in l.a." my friend john mulaney is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thrilled to see him. and she is one of the stars of the u.s. rugby team. olympic bronze medalist ilona maher will also be joining

us. [ cheers and applause ] we got a medalist in the house. before we get to that -- well, we just got back from a three-week break. and per my contract with nbc, the only thing i was allowed to watch was the olympics. in fact, and this is true, i actually competed in the break dancing event. [ cheers ] you guys didn't know i can dance because my legs are behind this desk, but i'm always practicing. watch. [ laughter ] i just did a cross step into a helicopter into a coin drop. that's why they call me lil desk, aka, d-boy. [ laughter ] anyway the point is i haven't paid attention to the news for three weeks, so i'm just going to read off the cue cards real quick to catch up on what i missed. let's see here -- joe biden dropped out of the presidential race. oh, wow. he endorsed vice president kamala harris. cool, cool. harris secured enough delegates, becoming the democratic nominee. biden got covid. trump claimed biden never had covid and it was just a ruse to drop out of the race. republicans complained that harris tried to ban plastic straws and tried to call her a d.e.i. hire. trumped called her laughing

kamala, then lying kamala, then, kama-blah. republicans call her the boarder czar, even though she wasn't and that wasn't a thing. trump said he might bomb mexico. j.d. vance became the first v.p. in decades to have a net negative favorability rating after he called democrats childless cat ladies, got slammed by jennifer aniston and was accused of [ bleep ] a couch, which he did not do. [ laughter ] apparently, it was just hand stuff. vance said democrats would call him racist for drinking diet mountain dew. vance wrote the forward to a book by the project 2025 guy while claiming he had nothing to do with project 2025. tim walz called republicans weird and said it's brat summer. trump responded by calling hannibal lecter a lovely man. [ laughter ] ted cruz said kamala can't have his cheeseburgers. trump told christians they won't have to vote anymore if he wins. wally, how many more cards are there? >> we're still in july. >> seth: [ bleep ] me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] 190,000 people joined the "white dudes for kamala" online event that raised over $4 million. we found out colin jost is too fragile to be outdoors. a fox news host said "voting for

a woman turns you into a woman." "closer look" writer sal gentile threw out the first pitch at a mets game which isn't news worthy and shouldn't be in here. [ laughter ] trump had a humiliating meltdown at the national association of black journalists, where he attacked the moderator, got laughed at by the audience, and claimed, among other things, that harris happened to turn black, which is both racist and insane. [ laughter ] trump said v.p. candidates don't matter after everyone made fun of his v.p. candidate, congratulated vladimir putin on a prisoner swap that secured the release of american hostages. the washington post reported that trump was investigated for allegedly taking $10 million from egypt until it was shut down by his attorney general. harris picked tim walz as a running mate. walz joked about vance [ bleep ] a couch, which he did not do. [ laughter ] everything was over cushion. republicans called walz "tampon tim," tried to swift vote him with lies about his record and said he is the bernie sanders of congress even though there is a bernie sanders in congress famously named bernie sanders. vance held a rally where the stage was so shoddy, it looked like he was campaigning for kamala. trump held a deranged press conference where he invented a new theme park called

"transgender world" and claimed his crowd on january 6th was bigger than martin luther king's "i have a dream" speech. he told a story about being in a helicopter that almost crashed with former san francisco mayor willy brown. then brown said that never happened. then it turned out trump was confusing brown with someone else. the trump campaign got hacked. harris overtook trump in the polls. the new york times called it the worst three weeks of trump's campaign. trump slinked back to twitter for an interview with elon musk. he descended further into madness by claiming that kamala's crowd in detroit was a.i. and that the people at the rally didn't actually exist. and on top of all that, a french pole vaulter knocked over the cross bar -- [ laughter and applause ] -- with his giant dong. [ cheers and applause ] i think it's time to take another three weeks off. just kidding. for more on this -- jesus. more? [ laughter ] it's time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> previously on "late night" -- >> republicans are riding high off the rnc. >> this is going to be a triumphant donald trump. >> crowd on its feet cheering

former president trump there with his running mate, just 39 years old, j.d. vance. >> i almost want to walk into a casino with him because he just can't seem to lose. >> president trump is leading joe biden and kamala harris in every single battleground state right now, including michigan, where they will hold a big rally today. there's thousands of people already lined up outside. it's a crowd that biden and harris, frankly, could only dream of. >> there were thousands of people in this arena cheering for him. >> the panic over president biden's candidacy is not only growing. it is now coming from the biggest influencers in the party. >> they are in a panic because they're afraid they're going to lose to donald trump. >> how demoralized and divided democrats are right now. how much angst? we talk about the democratic panic that i think is morphing -- one writer said it's morphing into -- to terror. >> major breaking news. president biden has just dropped out of the 2024 presidential race and is publicly endorsing vice president kamala harris. >> vice president kamala harris and her running mate, governor tim walz, pushing forward on their nationwide battleground blitz.

harris and walz are fresh off two huge rallies in wisconsin and michigan, where they received an energetic welcome from a massive ruckus crowd. >> vice president kamala harris now leading in the critical blue wall states by a sizable margin. >> j.d. vance is the first vice presidential pick to have a net negative favorable rating immediately after that party's convention. >> well -- [ crowd chanting ] >> they're accusing j.d. vance of having sex with a couch. >> the worst three weeks of donald trump's campaign. >> if brat summer were back. >> seth: we missed -- [ cheers and applause ] we missed all of that. three weeks, we missed all of that. when i left this desk three weeks ago, suffice to say the vibes were brutal. the election felt like a funeral dirge. trump was leading in national polls and seemed like he was coasting to victory. fast forward to today, harris is now leading in the polls, including new ones out from

three key swing stages, michigan, pennsylvania, wisconsin. if you told democrats three weeks ago they'd be up four points in those three states before the end of august, they'd be twerking like a canadian pole vaulter. [ laughter and cheers ] by the way, was also awesome. and on top of all that, massive crowds are now waiting in lines to see harris and walz, mobbing her plane, and literally swag surfing at her rallies. true story, that crowd won the bronze in olympic break dancing. look, we have one day. we have one day to empty the chamber on olympic jokes. okay, we'll be done. the new york times wrote a blockbuster piece on the collapse of trump's campaign and the rolling meltdown he's been having over the wild swing in his fortunes. >> new reporting in the new york times into the chaos behind the scenes in what the newspaper describes as the worst three weeks of donald trump's campaign. >> apparently the new york times reported that there was private polling in ohio that showed that it was really, really close there. >> seth: holy [ bleep ], he's floundering in ohio where j.d. vance is a senator. next we're gonna find out he's losing to kamala among voters who live at mar-a-lago. [ laughter ] trump's not used to this. someone else is getting more

attention, so he's reacting the way a dog reacts to a new baby in the family. "i'm calling a press conference to announce that i've urinated on the couch." [ laughter ] to which j.d. vance would say, "hey, dude, not cool. i have to have sex with that." [ laughter ] guys, let me make -- [ applause ] let me make something clear. j.d. vance did not have sex with a couch. [ laughter ] okay? get your mind out of the gutter. or as j.d. vance's grandma used to say, "get your wang out of the cushions." [ laughter and appluase ] the attention the harris campaign is receiving is clearly driving trump out of his mind. he's posting on social media at weird hours like a rabid animal locked in a psych ward. here's what he had to say about the massive crowd that greeted harris' plane in detroit last week. >> he said on truth social, "has

anyone noticed kamala cheated at the airport. there was no one at the plane, but she a.i.'d it and showed a massive crowd of so-called followers, but they didn't exist." the president -- former president goes on to say, "she's a cheater. she had nobody waiting. and the crowd looked like 10,000 people." >> seth: first of all, i guarantee trump has no idea what a.i. stands for. he probably thinks it's a steak sauce. "she a1'd the crowd." [ laughter ] "she gave out free bottles of steak sauce to people on the street to get them to come -- that's why i was there." [ laughter ] "i was wearing a kamala t-shirt and camo hat." [ cheers and applause ] also, you know there were witnesses there, right? you can't just claim an entire event was fake and get zero pushback from the people who saw it with their own eyes. for example, if someone said the audience at my show was fake, we could just cut to them to prove they're here. [ bleep ] nbc promised me they would pay for a.i. [ laughter ]

under my desk? har, har, nbc. [ laughter and applause ] trump's current level of madness and incoherence should be disqualifying. a normal political party would be panicking and desperately looking for a way to replace trump or at least trick him into dropping out by laying a trail of chicken nuggets. [ laughter ] and it leads on to a plane that flies to a remote island in the pacific where he can live out his remaining days on a movie set that looks like the oval office. [ laughter ] but republicans are not normal. they are, as tim walz famously put it, weird, which has also clearly gotten under trump's skin. >> he said, "you know, i think j.d. vance is weird." you know, it's a word they use. i think he calls me that too. no, we're not weird. we're very solid people. [ cheers ] i think we're very -- actually i think we're the opposite of weird. they're weird. >> seth: if someone -- [ laughter ] -- calls you weird. and your responses were, "we're very solid people," you're [ bleep ] weird.

[ laughter ] trump is so clearly bothered by the weird allegation that he's trying to redirect them by claiming he's not the weird one, it's his running mate. >> the new york times is out here reporting that when he was asked about democrats trying to paint his ticket as weird, trump said, quote, not about me. they're saying that about j.d. [ laughter ] >> seth: trump's reaction to being called weird is not to defend himself but to throw j.d. vance under the bus. i'd say that's the worst thing you can do to a running mate, but, you know, he did try to have the last one killed, which is kind of weird. [ laughter ] next, trump is going to start jumping in and also playing into the j.d. vance couch rumors. >> we had a beautiful sofa there, as opposed to what we have right now. right now, we have you. >> seth: "we used to have a beautiful sofa there, but unfortunately, we had to get rid of the sofa.' [ laughter ] "we had to keep it away from

j.d." [ laughter ] "the minute he saw that sofa, he just said 'hubba, hubba,' and we said --" [ laughter ] as if the response to being called weird could not get any weirder, j.d. himself was asked about trump's quote on cnn yesterday and said this. >> i want to move on to something that governor walz has called you and donald trump, and that is weird. >> sure. >> and it has taken off. the new york times reports that when donald trump was asked about it, he said, "not me. they're talking about j.d." >> well, certainly they've levied that charge against me more than anybody else. >> seth: imagine the humiliation -- [ laughter ] -- of having to pretend that in that pairing, you're the weird one. [ laughter ] but i have to say, i think my favorite trump response to being called weird is this. >> nobody's ever called me weird. i'm a lot of things, but weird i'm not. >> seth: nobody's ever -- i've made a whole career out of it.

that was the original title of this show. [ laughter ] in fact, that bring us to a new segment called "seth has a bone to pick with democrats." ♪ hey, democrats, i don't mind you guys calling republicans weird. but maybe throw a citation out there next time you do. i don't want to brag or anything, but we've been banging the "republicans are weird" drum for, like, five years. >> seth: when you boil it down, it's basically just a collection of gigantic weirdos. trump and his calvalcade of goons are weird. crime adjacent weirdos. trump's gang of weirdos. the rotating cast of fringe right-wing weirdos. the fourth horseman of the weirdocalypse -- he is weird. trump and his gang of weirdos. trump is still a weirdo and a liar. trump and his bus load of weirdos. weirdos, clowns, and bozos. all these weirdos -- just incredibly weird. these guys are so weird! >> seth: tim walz -- yeah. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] tim walz says it once on tv, and he's the v.p. nominee. meanwhile, i didn't even make the short list.

[ laughter ] is it because he was a high school football coach and i once caught a football wrong playing flag and still have a janky knuckle on my right ring finger? it's super weird, see. see, like this. it goes up -- right. see how that comes off? can't even get it on that one. [ laughter ] oh, so, i can't be vice president? [ laughter ] that's how long we've been calling republicans weird. i was still wearing a suit. and by the way, yes, responding to democrats calling republicans weird by making a montage of yourself calling republicans weird is weird. but i'm not weird. i'm a very solid person. [ laughter and applause ] anyway, the point is things have gotten so bad for trump that even his supporters, like kevin mccarthy, have been going on fox news and telling him to snap out of it. here's mccarthy from this morning. >> you've got to make this race, not on personalities. stop questioning the size of her crowds and start questioning her position. >> seth: kev, buddy, it's too late. this is the horse you chose to ride. you may want him to magically

turn into secretariat, but he's the donkey at the county fair. he's gonna get startled by a loud noise and kick you in the balls. [ light laughter ] the very existence of kamala harris and tim walz is driving trump insane, and it's revealed his true character for the world to see. that's why he's losing his mind at kamala's poll numbers and crowd size. that's why the republicans are desperately cycling through one nonsensical attack after another. for walz, their latest is a dumb nickname that's probably not going to help them with women voters. >> they're calling him tonight "tampon tim." >> a nickname for tim walz is "tampon tim." >> trump's running against a woke woman and a progressive v.p. named "tampon tim." >> seth: republicans are flailing worse than me at olympic break dancing. [ laughter ] just to clarify, walz signed a bill into law providing free period products in public schools. it does not require them -- [ cheers and applause ] exactly. exactly. it does not require them in boy's bathrooms. local districts have flexibility

to decide where to put them and some, though not all, chose to inclued them in boy's bathrooms. and my response to that is who cares? you think it's scandalizing for an eighth grade boy to see a tampon? the worse thing that will happen is that they'll steal them, put them in their friend's locker as joke and their friend will say, "not cool, mike." and they'll say, "shut up, dave." and then, the principal will come by and say, "hey, those aren't toys. now, stop being so weird and get to football practice." and they'll say, "yes, mr. walz." [ laughter ] walz freaks out republicans and harris freaks out trump because he can't stand the idea of anyone else getting more media attention or more crowds or more positive coverage. and now, he's once again claiming democrats are cheating. basically, trump thinks he's getting screwed worse than a guy who's -- >> having sex with a couch. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: we'll be right back with john mulaney, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey! i'll give you $574 if you switch. for an ice cream? okay. so, what about $574 for switching your home insurance to allstate?

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up, everybody, for the fantastic 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] sitting in with us this week on drums, he's an in-demand drumming virtuoso currently playing with rock legends, styx. the band is currently on tour in support of their latest record, "crash of the crown." follow him on instagram for more information. todd sucherman is here. welcome back, todd. it's great to have you. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, seth. thanks for having me. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest tonight is an emmy-winning writer and comedian you know from his work on "snl," "oh, hello on broadway," "big mouth," and "john mulaney presents everybody's in l.a." please welcome back to the show my very good friend, john mulaney, everybody.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: i'm so happy you're here. >> nice to be here. todd, hi. i'm a big fan, and you look so much like michael douglas that i feel like it needs to be addressed. [ laughter ] >> well, thank you very much. i will take that compliment. there are many worse things you could have said. >> oh, my god. it's one of the top compliments, looking like michael douglas. >> seth: you came out and whispered in my ear, you were like, "i think that is michael douglas." [ laughter ] >> yeah, i was like, that's really cool that the drummer program expanded to actor/director michael douglas. yeah. >> seth: very nice of you to give him the full credits. >> yeah, he directed, like, um -- what did he direct? "ordinary people"? >> seth: no. >> no. robert redford did.

[ laughter ] robert redford did, but that's okay. we're going to have a lot of fun with a lot of movie trivia throughout the segment. >> seth: soft trivia. you call it soft trivia because a lot of it are the wrong answers. >> absolutely. so they're just sort of conversation starters. [ light laughter ] >> seth: but the ending of every conversation is, "i think you're wrong." >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> no, i go, "you know what? i know i'm wrong." >> seth: that's right, you did catch yourself. >> yeah, i caught myself. good. anyway, mr. douglas, an honor. [ laughter ] and say hello to miss zeta-jones-douglas. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what an exciting time it is to be with my good friend, john mulaney, who just got married to my good friend olivia munn. >> yes. i did. i got married. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thanks a lot. >> seth: very exciting. >> it's the best. it's the best. and my mom is here as well. >> seth: your mom? let's cut to your mom. there we go. let's give it up. there she is. [ cheers and applause ] now, just -- >> hi, mom. >> seth: now, i've -- because i -- well, i mean i've met your mom and i've met olivia's mom. that's olivia's mom.

>> oh, yeah. but like you said, we got married, so that's -- i call her "mom" now. and mother-in-law -- okay. i'll say in-law. >> seth: how are you -- you know my in-laws. i feel like i hit the jackpot. >> yeah. >> seth: how do you feel like you did? >> oh, in-law-wise? >> seth: yeah. >> it's the greatest single time in my life. i've never -- you know, like, i've been in a lot of interesting situations. i've never -- marrying into a large vietnamese family is one of the most fun things i've ever done. [ laughter ] >> seth: give me some of the -- what are some of the -- >> well, you know, there's a limit to -- so, like if i did a perfectly accurate impersonation of my mother-in-law, it would be a career ender. [ laughter ] so, we all, kind of, know that. and like that -- so, you know,

you know how much i love them but that's also hanging in the air that we -- [ light laughter ] but they're the best, man. and miss kim is here with me tonight. i'm so happy she came. one of them will come with you anywhere. [ light laughter ] and they call me john mulaney, full name. >> seth: full name but a little wrong. >> a little wrong, full name all the time. "olivia is here with john mulaney." yeah. and they're the greatest. olivia's family, like -- so, my family is, you know, white -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- caucasian. [ laughter ] >> seth: i've met your family, and let me just say, just to verify the accuracy of that, maybe the most white caucasians. >> yeah, no. bleach calls us for advice. [ laughter ] so, we're uptight about a lot of topics. >> seth: yeah. >> money, health, anything -- almost everything is taboo. >> seth: yeah, everything is unspoken.

>> the luong family, they talk about anything immediately upon meeting you. [ light laughter ] like, how much money you have? [ laughter ] why you so skinny? why you skinny? how much money you have? [ laughter ] uncle foo -- do you know foo? >> seth: no. >> oh, okay. >> seth: this sounds like the beginning of like a 1940s comedy routine. [ laughter ] >> no, no, no. this is an engineer in indianapolis. they're in the midwest mainly. so, they -- so, your family, miss kim, you came over from saigon in 1975. >> yes. >> yeah. and they moved to oklahoma city. so, the vietnamese population of oklahoma city in one day went from 0 to 9. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. >> and foo is her brother. he lives in indianapolis. he came to visit olivia and i in chicago. and he came, midnight, you know how people arrive? [ laughter ] and we were waiting up for foo to arrive. and he comes in. all of his luggage is in a green garbage bag. and he walks up to me and he goes, "what state is your residency?" immediately. first question.

>> seth: why is that such a -- what an interesting thing to be curious about. >> because he wanted to know. and why do pleasantries, you know? [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. has it opened the door to new worlds for you? i mean, 'cause this is a different culture. >> it's the most new world. and also, they're vietnamese, but they're oklahoma vietnamese, which is an extremely specific group. >> seth: yeah. >> so, like, miss kim, you were 20 when you came over? >> yes. almost. >> almost 20, right? some of the siblings were young, like, almost 12. so, they grew up more in oklahoma. so, they have vietnamese and oklahoma accents. [ light laughter ] so, like, i'll do it. but -- [ laughter ] that's because it's really -- it needs to be done and also max, there's like, seven people in the world who could be offended by this accent. so, like, you know how phung talks -- her sister, phung. do you know phung? >> seth: no. >> oh. [ laughter ] like, "they atalk alike this, honey. like -- [ laughter ]

hey. you know how we -- you know how the luong family do it." [ laughter ] the best. the best. and, oh you got to know honey, oh, honey, no. [ laughter ] miss kim, you were talking to phung once, remember? and i said, "what are you talking about?" and she said, "phung says you're handsome." and then phung goes, "mistranslation." [ laughter ] so, i used to go to stores, you know -- >> seth: famously. >> famously. and you probably go to the same stores as me. there's all these other stores. there's -- there are supermarkets like h mart and super cao nguyen in oklahoma city, vietnamese market.

have you been there? >> seth: i have never been to a -- >> super cao nguyen? >> seth: no, i've haven't been to super cao nguyen. >> it's in oklahoma city? >> seth: no, no. [ laughter ] >> and then we go to little saigon in orange county when we're in los angeles. and, like, korean market is -- wow. like, you know, you get to a certain age -- i first went when i was 39. you go and you're like, "i've seen every fruit." [ laughter ] and there's fruits, jackfruit, and durian. these look like avatar fruits. they're all new fruits. and h mart -- have you been to h mart? >> seth: no. >> okay. so, if you're ever like, i want to go somewhere that's air conditioned, brightly lit, 30,000 square feet, and i will not run into a single person i'll ever -- seen before or since, go to an h mart. it's great. they've got eels in a cooler. i don't know what my son thinks it is. my son's two years old. but i think he thinks it's like

a museum. and it's a museum where you leave with a bunch of snacks. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what a great, fantastic development in your life. >> it's the best. and can you say -- i was joking that you say my name "mulluney." but can you say my name now, miss kim? >> john mulaney. >> yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: her way is better. >> that was good. >> seth: her way is better. we've got a lot more to ask you about. we'll be right back with more. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ still have symptoms from moderate to severe ulcerative colitis or crohn's disease after a tnf blocker like humira or remicade? put them in check with rinvoq. rinvoq works differently and it's a once-daily pill. when symptoms tried to take control, i got rapid relief with rinvoq. check. when flares tried to slow me down, i got lasting steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when my doctor saw damage, rinvoq helped visibly reduce damage of the intestinal lining. check. rapid symptom relief. lasting, steroid-free remission. and visibly reduced damage. check, check and check.

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arisa's styling a new look. and steve's filling his biggest order ever. with the first ever comcast business five-year price lock guarantee, these business owners get five years of value on gig speed internet and advanced security. all from the company with 99.9% network reliability. so now they can focus on doing what they do best for the next five years. that's a lot of bread. you got this. the comcast business five-year price lock guarantee. switch today for a limited time. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. we're here with john mulanie. [ cheers and applause ] >> mulaney. >> seth: mulaney. john mulaney. you've been expanding your resume this past year. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: talk show host. "everybody's in l.a.," so fantastic, congratulations. >> oh, thank you very much. >> seth: that was such a blast. >> i really appreciate that,

thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and you just directed a standup special. >> yeah. >> seth: your friend, langston kerman. >> my good buddy, langston kerman, who's a hilarious comedian, his special "bad poetry" -- very funny special that i directed -- comes out august 20th. >> seth: how did you take to -- obviously you've done standup specials. how did you take to directing them? >> oh, man, i did so little. [ laughter ] i got a great d.p., cameron barnett. and then we filmed it at the sort of iconic -- you've probably been went there -- the green mill in chicago, which is a really beautiful old bar. al capone used to go there -- famous murderer -- and -- [ laughter ] so he would go there. and it's really beautiful inside. so, the decor, the production design, we had everything looked great. langston's hour was so good and tight from the time that we started talking about it, that there was so little for me to do that i invented problems. i went -- he had a shirt he wanted to wear, and i went, "no, all wrong!" [ light laughter ] and it was a green shirt.

totally fine. >> seth: yeah. >> and brown pants. i went, "no, these colors, come on. these are not going to work." so, then he would send me photos of himself in his home in different shirts. and i'd go, "absolutely not. we're still on the wrong -- on the wrong trail." and i saw him once and i went, maybe that jacket, and i took photos. and then we went with the first shirt, and -- [ laughter ] and then -- oh yeah, and then we're filming and one of the producers from netflix goes, "is that a logo on his shirt? you can't have a logo." and i went, "oh, well, i vetted many shirts and landed on this one. so, i can maybe put him -- have him put his hand over it the whole time." [ laughter ] >> seth: it sounds like you really took to it. >> yeah. yeah. i'm a good costumer, if you ever want any help -- >> seth: oh, thanks. >> -- with what's happening here, yeah. no tie, no jacket. >> seth: well this -- yeah. last time, you -- i believe last time you came out in a suit and made me put one on. >> yep. and what happened to that novelty suit? you don't wear it anymore? >> seth: nope. i was very happy -- i was very relieved when you came out with that one tonight. >> yeah, i know, i did. >> seth: well, also -- >> i wasn't going to deal with that anymore. >> seth: well, you and i -- we have to dress casual, we're going out to dinner after the show tonight. >> not to brag. >> are we going to do right after? >> seth: we're going to do dinner right after. this is one of my favorite things about having you here. >> ah, it's very nice to be here, for that reason. is it going to be you and i, or

did we -- simon rich is doing your show tomorrow, right? >> seth: yeah, but we couldn't get him here in time. >> he's not here? >> seth: no, he's flying in tonight. >> what time does he get in? >> seth: uh, like 10:00. >> from l.a.? >> seth: yeah. >> why even come then if you're going to land at 10:00? [ laughter ] oh, to get here for the night before. >> seth: yeah. >> all right. oh, did you text jost. >> seth: yeah, he's in l.a. >> he's in l.a.? >> seth: yeah. >> does he live there? >> seth: no, but i think -- >> no, he lives in new york, he does "saturday night live." >> seth: yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] you know who else i asked, who couldn't do it? i did ask lorne michaels. >> oh. >> seth: and he was not free tonight. >> is he at a different -- >> seth: he's picking up simon at the airport. [ laughter ] >> just waiting. >> seth: but lorne -- this is very exciting. there's a new -- >> i'm very excited about this movie coming out. >> there's a new movie called "saturday night." >> yes. >> seth: tell us about it. >> okay, so -- >> seth: you have nothing -- and before you tell us about it, you have nothing to do with it. >> zero to do with it. [ laughter ] >> seth: you saw the trailer. >> i saw the trailer. now, i worked for five years at "saturday night live," but i had no idea the kind of pressure cooker that it was. [ laughter ] apparently -- >> seth: yeah?

>> it's high stakes. >> seth: yeah. >> so, this is a movie. so, the -- being an insider in hollywood, i don't have to wait to see the movie, i got the script. and if you see the trailer, there's a lot of very really interesting moments where, you know, like, what we know now, you're like, "oh, if only they knew then," right? >> seth: yeah. >> and i read this scene, and i thought we could read it together. >> seth: okay, great. >> it is so -- when you hear it -- [ cheers and applause ] your hair'll stand up on your neck. >> seth: are you -- are we reading --e so who -- are you going to be --? it's young lorne hails a taxi. >> yeah, so this is exterior night. that means its outside, they're filming it at night. i'll read young lorne. okay, so i get -- lorne michaels gets it. "take me to rockefeller center. i'm gonna go do 'saturday night live,' a new show on nbc." >> seth: "tv at night? that'll never work." >> "[ bleep ] you, you [ bleep ] dumb cabbie. [ laughter ] it'll be so famous and good. it's sketch comedy." so, what i like about that -- [ laughter and applause ]

-- is the stakes. >> seth: the stakes. >> the stakes are high. >> seth: the stakes are high. my only regret is you have no involvement in it, in any way, shape, or form. >> zero, and fun fact, as of today, i've never been in a movie. [ laughter ] >> seth: i can't wait to have dinner with you after this. and it's just so lovely to see you. but let's give it up one more time. >> one more time -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: a real star. >> thank you. >> seth: the new star of the mulaney family. john mulaney, everybody. langston kerman, "bad poetry" begins streaming august 20th, on netflix. we'll be right back with ilona maher. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ with chewy, it's never been easier to get their favorite toy delivered again, come on, let go.

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won a bronze medal at the paris olympics. please welcome to the show, olympic bronze medalist ilona maher. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well, first of all, congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> seth: second of all, even more importantly, happy birthday. >> it is. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it's your birthday. >> yeah. >> seth: and we're so honored you're spending it with us. you just got off a plane from paris. did you celebrate your birthday at all in france? >> what i did was, we were at the closing ceremonies, and i was just telling everyone, "hey, guys, don't make it a big deal, but it is my birthday. [ laughter ] so, whatever you wanna do." what -- it struck midnight when we were still out there in the stadium, so i was like, everybody sing to me right now. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> so, it was beautiful. and it was -- there's no better way to do a birthday than that.

>> seth: that's fantastic. and now, the medal, i want to ask about the medal. how often have you worn it since you won it? >> well, a lot. [ light laughter ] people talk about their chains. that's my chain. but it is heavy, and it does kind of wear on the neck, which is, like, you know, a fun burden to bear, like, wearing an olympic medal. [ laughter ] like, "ugh, it's a lot of work." but i will wear it more, of course. >> seth: gotcha. do -- you do have it here with us, right? >> i do have it. okay. tom daley made me a little medal holder thing. >> seth: ah, gorgeous. [ audience aws ] >> and here it is. >> oh, my god. >> seth: it's gorgeous. >> it's gorgeous. it is wearing a little bit on it. >> seth: oh, that's good though. can i see how heavy? [ talking over each other ] >> it's a solid hunk of metal. >> seth: that's a real thing >> it's a great piece of metal. >> seth: that's fantastic. i feel like i'm so bad at sports, that even when i held it, it was going to start burning. >> it looked unathletic, a little bit. [ laughter ] [ yelling ] >> seth: i might put this down right away! >> okay. >> seth: what is -- i think everybody wants to know what it's like, living in the olympic

village for the course of two plus weeks. >> okay, y'all think it's a crazy place, when really it's the most elite athletes focused on their craft for a while. so it's a lot of fun, like, you get to meet the best people in the world, but it is a very focused environment. but then as the events start to end, you know, you get to go to different houses. so it does become a little bit fun. but i will say, i was -- was focused on that medal for a little bit. >> seth: yeah. but there must be a real threshold of how you behave before your event is over and after. >> oh, for sure. before, it's locked in. i'm not even looking around, right? and then afterwards, it's like, "hey. you see this bad boy?" [ laughter ] and so i'd see what it can get me. it got me nothing, but that's okay. [ laughter ] that's okay. it was still amazing. >> seth: you obviously were not just triumphant on the field, you also had a very triumphant time on social media. congratulations. >> thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: it was very fun to watch it through your eyes. >> thank you. >> seth: especially the way you interacted with everything that french cuisine had to offer. >> of course. >> seth: and i saw you taking a bite of maybe one of the larger croissants i've ever seen. >> i didn't notice it was larger. it seemed normal size to me.

[ laughter ] but it was -- it was just a croissant. they took me on this shoot, and they're like, "you're going to love it. we've got this big croissant, you're going to eat." and so, like, you know, five cameras in my face, and i'm eating this croissant, but people were obsessed with these giant croissants, they were everywhere. and it's actually pretty good. >> seth: really? >> a little dry for sure, but actually not bad. >> seth: let's just take a look of exactly how large this croissant is, in case you missed it. [ muffled mumbling ] >> just something to get me going. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now -- [ cheers and applause ] i think one of the nice things about you getting out there on social media is, look, i don't think a lot of americans understand rugby, follow rugby, have ever played rugby growing up. this was not only the first medal for the women's team in america in general, seven on seven. the first olympic medal for

america in over 100 years in rugby, the sport. what -- who got you into the rugby? [ cheers and applause ] >> so, i've always been an athlete. you probably can tell by these shoulders. [ light laughter ] but my dad was a rugby player, played for, like, 40 plus years now, not to age him. but -- he'd always played, but he never got us into rugby. but i wanted to try my senior year of high school. played in one game, and i think it just clicked for me. like, it's a sport that just really encourages you to be physical, and show what your body is capable of. like, they want you to run as fast as you can, they want you to tackle as hard as you can. i think that just really allowed me to express myself. >> seth: it's really cool. and it does seem like, i think again, like, the success of the team is going to open that door for a lot of people, that maybe never even thought about playing. >> i think it's been so fun to see, like, i mean we had so many people tune in to our last games. you don't even know what's happening. you don't know what a ruck is. no one knows what a scrum is. but to see people tune in and see, like, "wow, this looks like a fun sport." its' really awesome because we want to get people into sports, because i know what it's done for me, and how it's like, changed my body confidence. making me feel so good about myself, and i know it can do it for soe many other girls, so i'm so happy they just got a taste for it, and maybe they'll go to their local club, their local college, and try it out.

>> seth: now, you had -- [ cheers and applause ] you had a brand ambassador. jason kelce -- here's jason kelce holding the rugby ball. >> rugby ball, yes. >> seth: and then wearing a shirt with your face all over it. >> yeah. >> seth: now, how does that happen? can you talk us through this? >> so, kylie kelce and i, we're buddies on the apps, you know. >> seth: sure, yeah. >> and that means we're best friends, i think. um, but she brought him to a game, and he came to my first game. first off, he's also wearing a rugby jersey, which is -- rugby jerseys are tight. and so he put this on the first day, and then he put it back on for day three, which is impressive. this is a shirt my family made. my mom gave him hers. and i guess he also wore this to gymnastics. >> seth: wow. so, there's just a video of him, like, pictures of him with like, the gymnasts, and my face on it. i'm like, "thank you so much for spreading the good word, sir." [ laughter ] >> seth: well, it's fantastic. i'm not surprised. you know, you can't find a nicer human being to get the word out about good things. and it was such a joy to watch. congratulations, again. thanks so much for spending your birthday with us. >> thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you guys, that's olympian ilona maher. we'll be right back with more "late night."

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♪ >> announcer: come join the audience at "late night" live in studio 8g. for tickets, head over to latenightsethtickets.com. follow us @latenightseth on all social media platforms. subscribe to late night seth on youtube. find us online at latenightseth.com. and subscribe to the "late night podcast," featuring "a closer look," guest interviews, and more. available wherever you listen to podcasts. ♪ ok, 500 deluxe garden gnomes. wow.

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Comic John Mulaney; Ilona Maher, rugby Olympic bronze medalist; Todd Sucherman sits in with the 8G Band.

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